“Mom, Ryan’s dead”

What is time?

Time is a funny thing, not funny like ha, ha funny, but strange. As a child I thought time moved so slow…as I am now close to 60 I find time moving at lightning speed.

They say time heals all wounds. I don’t think so. Not the internal wounds left after the death of a child. No the wounds of wondering what else could I have done to help him. The regrets can be awful. I try not to stay there. It is just too hard.

We need time to grieve, don’t let anyone push you along or tell you that you “should” be over it. I will never be over it. I have learned to deal with it, but I will never be “over” it.

My son meant everything to me. I miss him beyond words. I would trade my life if he could have his back. I know that is pointless and futile, but it is true.

So, take all the time you need. Try to remember the good times and not the bad. Work on projects that give the death meaning. Focus on moving forward. It is what our loved ones would want us to do, right?

Take care of yourself in this process, it is a hard row to hoe as we say in the south….


Just a Mom