The Grieving Parent
A grieving parent is someone who will never forget their child no matter how painful the memories can be.
A grieving parent is someone who yearns to be with their dead child but cannot conceive leaving their living ones.
A grieving parent is someone who has only part of a heart as the rest of it is buried with their child.
A grieving parent is someone who begs for relief from the memories which plague them and then feels guilty when they get it.
A grieving parent is someone who pretends to be happy and enjoying life when they really are dying inside.
A grieving parent is someone who holds the lives of their remaining children as the most precious gift they have.
A grieving parent is someone who can cry or laugh at the drop of a hat whenever they remember their beloved child.
A grieving parent is someone who feels as if they just lost their child yesterday no matter how much time has passed.
A grieving parent is someone who fears for their remaining family because they cannot bear to have any more loss.
A grieving parent is someone who sits by their child’s gravestone and feels a knife stabbing their heart.
A grieving parent is someone who wants to help others who have lost a child because somehow their loss is theirs all over again.
So, this has become my life, my new life. I don’t complain about it because it simply is what it is. I know it has pushed me spiritually, further than I ever thought I was capable of. Yes, I am a stronger person than I was. What can hurt me now? I have already faced the very worse that life can hit a person with, right? I know I am not alone. Not by a long shot.
There is always hope! Glorious, wonderful hope. Hope in tomorrow, hope for healing, hope for spiritual growth, hope for less overdose death in the future, hope for the day we will be united with those we have lost and hope that someday the stigma of an overdose death will lessen. That we won’t have to deal not only with the death of a loved one, but also have to deal with “that look”. Yeah, you know the one I mean! In the interim, do what is good for your soul. We will always miss the one that is lost, but we still owe the ones left behind with us the best of what is left of us. So, maybe write or journal, meditate, pray, help others, laugh and try to enjoy life! For me, it is in enjoying my son Joe, my grand daughter Charlotte, riding my horse, working in the garden and sharing that time with Ryan who rests among the garden, there with the birds, butterflies and sunshine. To do otherwise is a waste of the time God gave us. Make use of it wisely.
Many parents feel the same way I do. I am sure of it. To those who have walked this path they totally understand these words and their meaning. If that is you and you are reading this…you are in my thoughts today and every day. Love each other, hug each other and forgive each other…every day.
Just a Mom
PS: picture is of Ryan’s resting place on our farm in Chapel Hill, Tennessee. The picture was taken Christmas 2015.